The 10 Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen: #8 & #7

Alone in the Dark, dir. Uwe Boll

What would a "Worst Movies Ever Seen" list be without a film by Uwe Boll? COMPLETE MADNESS! That was probably populating Uwe's mind at the time of filming this piece of garbage. He knew this was going to be a piece of shit, but he decided what the hell! He's rich and he can do what he wants. This is actually the only Uwe Boll movie I have seen. I do want to see In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale, Postal, Seed, House of the Dead and the Bloorayne movies. Hopefully they aren't as bad as this movie and are merely so bad they are entertaining. Alone in the Dark is just dreadful. Christian Slater looks irritated and who's idea was it to cast Tara fucking Reid as a SCIENTIST? Hi Maureen Web. A flaming bag of shit is on the way to your house right now. Reid is just abysmal here. None of her lines are spoken with authenticity or conviction. She has been good in some movies (The Devil's Pond being her best work), but what was she thinking here? The opening scroll thingamabob is boring and the special effects are crappy. The ending is extremely stupid and the whole thing is one big, confused mess.

...speaking of shitty horror movies...



Jason X, dir. Jim Isaac

Oh God. Oh holy mother of lord. What an extremely horrendous movie this is. Jason is getting tiring. Watching him kill people is getting tiring. Yes, some of the ways are inventive, but it feels like people are just running out of steam. Wow. Jason in space. Blah blah blah. Freddy vs. Jason was gruesome fun, but this is just...not even functionable. Jim Isaac directed this, and he also directed Skinwalkers which I kind of wanna see. To me, Michael Meyers is still scary even after all the movies he's been in. Jason is just a waste of time now. Just like this whole film is a complete waste of time. Oh, and one last thing....WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS DAVID CRONENBERG DOING IN THIS MOVIE? Gah! What a waste of an extremely talented person in a lame movie like this.